


a little more time to kill

by carolinecrane



Category: Deadliest Catch RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-29
Updated: 2010-09-29
Packaged: 2017-10-12 07:38:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/122516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinecrane/pseuds/carolinecrane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh doesn't have anything left to give. Good thing Jake's not asking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a little more time to kill

**Author's Note:**

> This fic deals with Phil Harris' death, which happened in canon during season six. I didn't feel that creepy about it until I got to the last bit of conversation, but then I couldn't bring myself to cut it, so there you go. I'm a creeper. I think you probably already knew that. The ending references a scene from the end of [this fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/43836), which I wrote as a New Year's Resolution for Yuletide 2009.

They don't talk about it. They don't talk about much of anything these days, because once the cameras and the rest of the guys and their families are gone, once it's just _them_ with no one around to hear all the stuff they haven't been saying, there's no point in saying it anymore. They both know how they feel, they know how much the past year has sucked and how much they've lost. Talking about it isn't going to bring Phil back, just like it's not going to bring Jake's sister or even his dad back, and it sure as hell won't make Josh's brother any less of a fuck-up. So instead of talking they make up for lost time in other ways, and when they're finally too tired to do anything else, they just lie tangled together in Josh's bed and don't talk some more.

There's a bead of sweat rolling down Josh's neck, and Jake watches its progress until it pools at the hollow of Josh's collar bone. He leans over and presses his mouth to Josh's skin, sliding his tongue along the path the bead of sweat just took. It's warm in Josh's place, almost too warm, but they've been cold for so long that neither of them really minds. In fact, Jake sort of likes the heat, likes the way it feels coming off Josh's skin and the layer of sweat that makes his hand glide easily across Josh's chest.

He feels a hand slide into his hair, Josh's arm hooked around his neck and Jake turns until his mouth's pressed against Josh's bicep. He smells sweat and salt, no stale smoke anymore, which is weird but he doesn't miss it. He can smell the sourness of sleep and underneath it all is Josh, always the same even after months away. It's funny, he thinks, how they spend more time with each other than most of the guys do with their own wives, but Jake still knows how it feels to _ache_ for this, way down deep in his bones, to stare glassy-eyed at the water that stretches out for miles and think about how goddamn much he wants to just look at Josh's face again.

If this was a normal year, one where Josh didn't lose a father who loved him more than breathing, and Jake's father hadn't thrown him and the rest of his family away, he'd be back up in Anacortes missing Josh right now. He thinks sometimes that he should have gone home for awhile, checked in with his mom and his sisters and made sure they were okay. Only it was always his dad who needed him the most, and now that he's gone Jake feels sort of free for the first time.

It's pretty fucked up that it took his dad bailing on them for Jake to feel like he could even _have_ a life. And he hasn't told his mom what Josh is to him, but she knows where he's staying, and she knows why, so he figures she's probably got it figured out by now. If it bothers her she hasn't said. Then again, maybe she figures he's already lost as much as he can handle for one year.

He traces the design inked on Josh's bicep with his index finger, watching the way Josh's skin moves under his touch. He's traced Josh's tattoos so many times now he figures he could close his eyes and draw them from memory, even though he's always been shit at drawing. His fingers know the designs, anyway, and he's spent plenty of nights on his own with his eyes closed, tracing those same shapes in thin air.

Josh's cell vibrates on the table next to his bed. He stopped answering a couple days ago, and Jake doesn't bother asking why. He knows it's because Josh just doesn't have anything left, that his sisters keep calling, expecting him to make everything better, and he just can't. The producers helped him get his little brother into rehab, and now that the funeral's over and Jake's drying out somewhere in Seattle, Josh just doesn't have anything else to give.

Josh reaches for the phone and glances at the screen, then he turns it off all the way and tosses it back on the table. When he's done he turns on his side to wrap an arm around Jake's waist and pull him closer. "You hungry?"

"No," Jake says, because sure, he could eat, but he doesn't really want to get out of bed to do it. He'd rather stay right here, just on this side of too warm and burying his face in Josh's neck to breathe in the smell of his skin. He presses his mouth against Josh's neck, wet and open on two days' worth of beard, not really starting anything, but the offer's there, if Josh wants to take it. Josh's fingers are moving on his back, tracing some pattern that Jake can't quite make out. He spends a lot of time just touching Jake lately, hands moving on his skin almost like Josh doesn't know he's doing it. Jake wonders sometimes if it's just because he doesn't know what to do with his hands now that he's not chain smoking anymore, or if he keeps touching because he's afraid if he doesn't, Jake will disappear.

The thought makes something hard ball in his chest, and Jake swallows it down and sucks harder on Josh's neck until he's pretty sure there's a red, mouth-shaped mark under Josh's stubble. Something he can see, whenever he gets around to shaving, so he'll know Jake's not going anywhere. Josh's hand slides into his hair again, tugging Jake up for a kiss. Josh's teeth graze his lip and Jake moans in the back of his throat, lets himself be pushed onto his back and spreads his legs wide when Josh pushes a hand between them. He's still slick from the last round, and Josh's fingers slide in easy, keeping time with his tongue as it thrusts in and out of Jake's mouth.

Most of the time Josh likes it the other way around, and Jake loves fucking him, so he doesn't complain. But he likes it this way too, likes knowing that this is what Josh needs, and Jake can give it to him. _He's_ what Josh needs, he figures, because he stopped answering his sisters' calls but he hasn't kicked Jake out yet. If anything he keeps pushing closer, like he's trying to climb inside Jake where he doesn't have to deal with the show or the _Cornelia Marie_ or any of the bullshit that falls on his shoulders now.

He's going to have to deal with all that eventually. They both know it, but they're putting it off for as long as they can, and Jake figures they've earned it, considering. He rocks up into the fingers buried inside him, gasping into Josh's mouth when he hits that spot inside Jake that makes his whole body shudder. Josh pushes up on his free hand to look at him, watching his fingers disappear inside Jake and it feels fucking _fantastic_ , but he's going to explode if Josh doesn't give him more soon.

"Josh," he says, and he doesn't even care that he's whining. He bends the knee that's not trapped under Josh's thigh, opening even more and Josh lets out a groan that sounds like it _hurts_. When he pulls his fingers free and shifts until he's cradled between Jake's legs, Jake slides a leg around his waist and drags him forward. The sound of Josh's laugh sends warm flooding through him, because he hasn't heard it much lately and it's probably his favorite sound in the world, so it's nice to know he can still make it happen. Josh leans in close enough to press his lips to Jake's ear, breath hot on his skin and sending a shiver down Jake's spine when he whispers, "Pushy."

There are a whole bunch of ways Jake could respond to that, but before he picks just the right one Josh lines up and pushes inside him. And yeah, that's _perfect_ , he doesn't need anything but this pretty much ever, unless maybe it's to bend Josh over and show him just how pushy Jake can be. _Later,_ he thinks, then he arches back against the mattress and just hangs on while Josh bottoms out inside him over and over again. He's talking, mostly because he knows Josh loves it when he does, biting out instructions until Josh is moving so fast they're both breathing heavy.

Jake's moving with him, dragging Josh in as far as he can go and fighting to keep him there, teasing moan after moan out of him until finally Josh tenses above him and comes. They stay like that for a few beats, Josh's eyes closed and his whole body flushed and trembling. Jake sort of expects Josh to collapse on top of him, to breathe hard against his neck and maybe kiss him for awhile before he remembers that Jake still hasn't gotten off. And he has no problem with that, so he slides a hand up Josh's back to drag him down. Except Josh is already pulling out, come sliding down his ass to soak into the already wrecked sheet as Josh slides down the mattress and pushes both Jake's knees up and back.

He's spread open like a whore in one of those really raunchy pornos Matt likes, but he doesn't even care, because Josh is licking a wet stripe from the base of his dick all the way to his ass. He feels Josh's tongue pushing inside him, spreading him all over again and it's nothing like the stretch of his dick, but Jake's still panting and twisting his fingers in the sheets. He thinks he could come just from this, but he doesn't get a chance to find out, because Josh wraps a hand around his dick and starts stroking. Slow at first, thumb sliding across the slick head as Josh's tongue keeps working him open. Jake can hear himself begging for Josh to hurry up, to just let him come already, but he refuses to speed up.

Jake's hips lift off the bed with the effort to fuck the circle of Josh's fist, but Josh just pushes down hard on his hips and presses him back against the mattress. He looks up then, just watching Jake for a second, before he shifts a little and closes his mouth around Jake's dick. His hand's clamped hard around the base, pressing down just enough to keep Jake from coming down his throat. And that's just fucking _wrong_ , but Jake's too busy trying not to cry with frustration to complain about it. Josh's mouth is working him like a pro, throat opening up and drooling around Jake's dick until he's good and wet.

And that's when Jake figures out what he wants, which he could have just fucking _said_ , because there's a perfectly good tube of slick...somewhere, and now Jake's pretty sure he's going to come the second he pushes inside Josh. But he lets Josh climb off him anyway, and Jake scrambles up to kneel behind him when he plants his knees on the mattress and rests his forehead on his arms.

He takes a second to breathe, hands sliding across the ink on Josh's back, then back down again to grip his waist. He pulls Josh back a little, angling him just right before he slides inside in one sure stroke. When he's buried as deep as he can get he pauses again, fingers digging into Josh's bony fucking hips -- and damn, they are gonna need to eat if they're going to keep this up -- until he's sure he can move without losing it. Then he waits another beat or two, just to be sure, before he pulls out and then pushes right back in again, fucking into Josh as hard as he can handle.

Josh grunts into each thrust, hips pressing back to take more of Jake, to pull him in and scrape the head of his dick across Josh's prostate. He's up on his hands now, looking back over his shoulder and demanding more and harder, grinding out _come on_ and _fuck me_ like they're still in that same bad porno. Jake grins and angles his hips a little, focusing on the slap of skin every time Josh's ass slams back against him and the wet slide of his dick pulling almost all the way out before he pushes back in again.

There's no way he can last, no way Josh can expect him to, and when he finally comes it's with a weird, choked sob of relief. He presses his forehead to the hot skin of Josh's back and rides out the waves of pleasure, legs trembling a little when he finally pulls out and collapses right on the wet spot. Then again, the whole fucking bed's a wet spot at this point, and Jake lets out a shaky laugh and looks over to find Josh watching him from close up. As soon as their eyes meet Josh reaches for him, hand coming to rest on the top of his head and it's kind of weird, lying there slick with sweat and come and fucked out while Josh sort of pets him, thumb dragging across Jake's forehead and his fingers sliding through Jake's hair.

"If you have to take off it's okay," Josh says, and Jake wants to laugh again, because it's a weird fucking time to bring this up, but the look on Josh's face makes the laugh freeze in his throat. "I mean, I'm not trying to kick you out or anything, but I know you've got your own shit to deal with."

"Far as I'm concerned my shit's been dealt with," Jake answers. He turns on his side to look at Josh, wincing a little at the twinge that lets him know just how hard Josh fucked him that last time. "I figured I'd just hang out here awhile. If that's cool."

"It's cool." Josh leans in to whisper the words against his mouth, hand leaving his hair to rest at the back of his neck. "Stay as long as you want."

Josh's mouth is barely an inch from his, breath hot against his lips and all Jake has to do is push forward a little and they'll be kissing again. So he does, brushing their mouths together before he pulls back far enough to mouth a question against Josh's cheek.

"Yeah? What if I just stay right here until next season?"

"As long as you want," Josh says again, then he turns into Jake and kisses him for real. Jake's heart hammers hard against his chest, because he's pretty sure that means they live together now, and yeah, okay, Jake's crashed here enough times to know they can stand each other long-term, but he still thinks it should be freaking him out a little. Only it feels good or right or whatever the fuck people say when they finally land in the place they belong, and he can't remember anymore why it took them so long to get here. Mostly that has to do with his family, and his chest tightens when he thinks about it, but Josh's arms wrap around him as soon as he tenses, and the band around his chest relaxes again.

"He really loved you," Josh says when they come up for air. "Phil, I mean. He thought of you as one of the family, after he saw how hard you worked, you know? I think he would have asked you to bail on Sig and come work for us if he hadn't..."

He trails off and Jake presses forward again, kissing Josh's mouth and then his cheeks and finally his closed eyelids. He waits until Josh's eyes open again, expecting tears, maybe, or even anger at Phil for going and dying when he didn't have to. But Josh's eyes are clear, looking at Jake like he's really _seeing_ him, and that should be scary too, but mostly it just makes Jake feel pretty awesome. "Would you have bailed on Sig? If he'd asked?"

And Jake really doesn't know, because Sig and Edgar are assholes, sure, and he still fucking hates Matt, but they gave him a shot and they treated him pretty good, and he knows they'd take it pretty hard if he fucked off to work for another captain. But working on the same boat as Josh had been pretty great for a whole lot of reasons that weren't even all related to sex, and the thought of working together on a regular basis seems almost too good to be true. It might be, now. Sure, Josh has plans to run the boat eventually, to share the captain's chair with his brother like Jonathan and Andy. But he's not Phil, he doesn't have the experience or the rep to back up his decisions, and no matter how much his crew likes Jake, that doesn't mean they'd accept him and Josh as a package deal.

Josh is watching him, waiting for an answer, and Jake knows he has to give him a real one, because a bullshit joke isn't going to cut it this time. It's the first time he's wished for a cigarette since Josh gave them up, just for something to distract him from the open look on Josh's face.

"If I didn't think it would mess you or Phil up, yeah, I probably would have," he finally says, and when he hears the words out loud he knows they're true.

Josh nods and pulls him close again, wraps his arms around Jake's shoulders and just fucking _holds_ him. It's pretty fucking girlie, and Jake wants to laugh, because it feels almost as good as Josh pushing his legs apart and fucking him.

"I'm glad he knew about us," Josh murmurs into his hair, sending another wave of warmth through Jake's whole body. "I think he was happy, you know? I mean, he didn't get it, and he sure as hell didn't like thinking about this part," Josh says, pausing to laugh into Jake's hair. "But I'm glad he knew I was happy before he died."

Jake pictures standing on the dock with Phil during the one offload he spent on the _Cornelia Marie_ , counting crab while Phil told him pretty much exactly that. He remembers the way Phil looked at him when he said _guess Josh liked having you around too_ , how he knew that what Phil meant was that he was cool with Jake and his kid hooking up, and he was going to look out for them if he could. At the time Jake wished he could count on his own dad to say the same, but now he doesn't give a damn what his old man thinks. Now he's just grateful Phil took the time to get to know him, and he figures the best way he can pay Phil back is by looking out for Josh now that he's gone.

He figures he should maybe start by getting them in a shower and then ordering a pizza or something. Jake smiles into Josh's shoulder and tightens his grip on Josh's waist. "Me too," he says, and he means it.


End file.
